Family Vacation: We’re Staying Where?

It’s family vacation time again, Calamity Crew! This trip is a whole-fam-damily affair including rarely seen extended family members such as the collegiate nieces, the not-blood-related Auntie, and my eldest nephew who is usually stuck working during these trips.

We are all staying in two time share condos which were procured by our matriarch, Meemaw. We are once again at the the Redneck Riviera. The condos are very nice, and we are all delighted to be together. When researching our stay, I was elated to realize this trip is a humor blogger’s wet dream, so to speak. You see, our accommodations near the corner of Dick Pond Road.

There used to be an actual body of water near here, on the corner of Dick Pond Road and Beaver Run Blvd. Knowing this, is it any wonder that Myrtle Beach is the home of shagging?

Apparently, after a boom in unintended pregnancy in the late 60’s and early 70’s, a decision was made to drain the pond. It was later filled in, and today there is a glittering monument to all things Redneck (a.k.a WalMart) on the site. According to the store manager, they still sell quite a few pregnancy tests. Condom sales, unfortunately, are less robust than one might hope.

Being a state steeped in tradition, political opinion of the time demanded that the road names be kept intact. Of course, most of the folks who held office during that period have children who are in their 40’s today….

As times change, opinions and politicians do too. Since Dick Pond Road is a  major thoroughfare, those running for office have littered its medians and easements with their campaign posters. These, too, reflect the generation born and bred of summer nights spent shagging at Dick Pond.

John Hyman is running for treasurer. I am uncertain if this is a local or statewide office, but does it matter, really? The point is he’s local, traditional, a good old shagging South Carolinian. At first I was disappointed that his first name was not Buster, but then I found out his given name is John Thomas. Almost as funny.

Not to be outdone, David Cox, also a Myrtle Beach native, is running for school board.

His campaign poster reads “David Cox School Board District 4Childern” which I found some what confusing. I mentioned this to the WalMart greeter, Two Tooth JJ (one letter for every tooth), and he said that David’s original slogan was “Cox 4 Children” but his campaign manager thought the conservative voter base might find it off-putting, so his signs were amended by the printer at the last minute. Kind of makes me glad I am not a Horry County voter. Oh, did I fail to mention? Myrtle Beach is the county seat of Horry County. How could it not be?

So, friends, stay tuned. I am sure much more mayhem is on the way, maybe even some which is not libidinous in nature. As for me, I am off for a topless ride with my sister.